JOYCELYN`

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i dragged myself out of bed to sch.
clocked in.
reached lab
realised lappy internet down.
went to aunt hse to get cousin's vest.
went tm/cs/t1 to shop.
back in lab.
am feeling really tired.
noises of lab
i cant stand it.
had to pluck in my ipod
to find peace.
some people voices just irritates me
argh.
or im just plainly
irritated now.
-
i am not prepared for tmr.
i kept forgetting steps formations
let alone being able to full-out.
im hell scared!
-
sometimes i wonder,
why does someone
not as beautiful smart sexy hot than others
but always manage to settle down faster?
is it because.
they dont have expectation of their other half?
they just take wadever guy who loves them?
or wad?
.
i always thought love is simple.
as long you have twiny tickling feeling towards opposite,
just go ahead.
that tickling feeling
got frank and me together back 3yrs 9mths ago,
over one phone call at night when he confessed to me
and i returned back.
( hahhaa =DD )
then,
we decided to take our friendship to next level
without thinking twice
without doubting the other half
without playing the "try hard to get" stuffs
without putting up a different image
without the thought of having him to wait for me to say yes.
without going through all the tough process to be together.
without worrying there will be another guy better than frankie for me.
the chasing part was short.
he was never pushy nor openly-flirty.
he was one simple cute guy ( haha! )
who made an effort to send a goodnight msg
at least twice a week
it was only until
once,
he didnt know i was holidaying.
he sent millions* of msges
worrying of my safety
because i did not reply.
then on,
we started msging.
den ta da ~
.
we spent months honeymooning*
we get to know each other slowly.
everything was sweet and cool.
.
then you hit the next stage.
where we ( girls )
starts thinking.
like
wad if he cheats on me
wad if im not as pretty as other girls
wad if he found someone else
wad if
wad if
if if if
sums up
to me,
being a total insecure sensitive possesive girlfriend
leading on to countless arguements.
we were still young.
only 15-16yrs old.
noone taught us how to solve an arguement
noone said relationship has sour or bitter times
we did not know how to manage our love.
.
our differences
our goals
our giving of love
our recieving of love
our expectations of "you should know me"
my jealously
my sensitivity
his insensitivity
love is not simple at all
.
then you hit the "lets take a break" stage.
it was painful devastating hatred and all.
it was never easy.
you know
that you both are still in love
but
somehow
the accumulations keeps building up
covering all the sweet old times.
love hidden behind your hatred.
even when we said
we're okay
but deep inside
hell no.
until it burst unexpectedly one day.
.
fate?
destiny?
our paths crossed again.
the beginning was rough.
my possesiveness literally killed his freedom.
friends telling me to let him go
if not i'll drive him to the wall.
it was not easy.
nothing is easy.
it takes time.
much much way longer time for me
to believe him
to trust him
to make things work.
thankfully,
frank had the patience with me =)
efforts paid off.
our love is stronger
although we still bicker over tiny matters
but
i rather
we'll be arguing
than having us to seperate again
=)
so people,
dont doubt yourself
dont doubt your partner
noone is perfect
the right person could be standing right in front of you
all along
just that you could be blinded
by your expectations
or believing there're
always better ones behind.
you never know
if there will be another one behind =)
.
love has experience.
even if it fails,
do not regret
because you made an effort to love someone
and have someone love you back =)
they say love waits.
wad if it doesnt wait
and your turn is over?
=)
.
bye world.
loves,
joycelyn`

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