JOYCELYN`

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sometimes,
i just cant erase the images of you and her.
so wad if you said you hadnt been together with her,
but wad youre doing
are similar to being together.
i dunno if im meant to be smart or stupid.
i dunno if this is just an punishment for me.
because im too sensitive
that i forbid you to be close to girls
and that
you actually went up to her and be close.
knowing it was wrong
but you still made it happened.
sometimes,
i blame myself for the cause.
how could i trust you
when you break it over and over again.
and i dunno why
i forgive you over and over again.
countless night of tears.
countless night of insecurity.
believing you are real.
believing you are at home
when youre out walking her home
and you dont even realise you are doing so.
after wad had happen,
you just came to me and a word of sorry.
do you really think saying sorry could
make me forget everything?
why say sorry after everything youve done?
might as well.
fcuk that girl den say sorry to me!
i want to go on believing you are mine.
is this retribution?
my heart cant take it anymore.
its breaking .
aching.
i know you are changing.
you said you are.
i can see.
but i cant help thinking.
of the past.
when you hide.
im so so so so
afraid.
you'll do it again..
do i mean it
when i said
because of her,
we've became stronger
or
am i trying to deceive myself?
i confused my dreams with the truths.
am i reallly so nothing at all to you?
that you can step on me over and over again?
are my tears really like waste water?
i dunno why my heart kept squeezing.
i dun want to think at all.
i cant not know that im like that.
im tired of being strong.
my faith is losing.
did i really love him too much to become possesive?
=(
-
sudden miss of ishi.
he's still my dance idol.
noone can ever replace him.
noone.
-
never take straight 3 classes.
its tiring.
its brain-wrecking.
beg by bryan.
interm by yutaki.
adv.beg by sheila.
sheila wore shorts.and she took off her top
leaving only sports bra with shorts.
whoo`
sexy.
she was the first dance instructor who wore like this.
hahaha.
-
though he was holding me back then,
the one im missing was you.
-
"even if he is initially faithful,
you will eventually turn him off with your
suspicious and insecurity.
your fear to love will keep you from loving him wholeheartedly."
i know its true now.
-
"accept wad you are able to do
and not able to do.
accept the past as the past
without denying or discarding.
life is a series of pulls back and forth.
somethings hurts you yet you know it shouldn.
love always win."
-
'devote yourself to loving others in life.
dont chase wrong things which you think
are important.
the most important thing in life is to give out love
let it come in.
love is a rational act."
-
"who do we miss/love someone when we know they dont.
sometimes you cannot believe wad you see.
you have to believe wad you feel.
and if you are ever gonne have other ppl trust you,
you must feel that you can trust them too."
-
"once you learn how to die,
you learn how to live."
-
"love each other or perish."
-
"dont cling to things because everything is impermanent."
-
"throw yourself into these emotions by
allowing yourself to dive in,
den you experiece fully and completely.
you know wad love is,
wad pain is.
wad grief is.
den you can say i have experienced that emotion,
recognised that emotion.
wash yourself with the emotion.
it wont hurt you.
it will only help.
if you let the fear inside.
if you pull it on like a shirt and say to yourself.
its just fear.
i dont have to let it control me.
i see it for wad it is.
you let it go.
youre not afraid of fear.
and now youre gonne put it aside and experience other emotion.
let it go.
walk away.
seperate from it."
-
just read some book and qoute sentences.
lol.
-
i know im boring.
alright.
-
it just..
alright.
bye.

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